“He’s a bit of a princess.”
The owner was describing his slightly neurotic male Weimaraner to a few of us at the dog park. The juxtaposition of these opposing gendered terms stuck in my auditory processing unit as I walked Frida home. I thought about the times I used the same term to describe my own dog whenever she balked at going out in the rain. Or the countless times I heard “princess” used dismissively to describe anyone, male or female, who is posh, pampered, or spoiled.
I then thought about the times I have heard “prince” used to describe someone. It is inevitably positive and male-oriented. “He is a real prince,” or “He’s a prince among men,” usually describes a stand-up, reliable guy. It is never used to describe a stand-up reliable woman. You would never hear, “That Helga, eh? She’s a princess among women,” unless someone was trying to emphasize the fact that I was high maintenance. I have heard men use “Princess” to describe other men and it has never been complimentary.
In fact, I can’t think of any word that is commonly used to describe a stand-up, reliable woman, except maybe “organized,” or “compassionate,” which don’t mean that at all. Perhaps it is because women are not supposed to stand up, or be relied upon.
Which is, of course, anti-diluvian crap.
I have a felt hand-puppet, simply made, vaguely female—it’s the little tinsel earrings that do it—with a royal purple cloak and a crown. I have christened her Princess Arlo, and have dreamed up Princess Arlo puppet stories to entertain her namesake, my granddaughter, during story-time over video.
Princess Arlo kicks ass. In my stories, she is wise and strong and a terrific problem-solver. Like that time she saved the kingdom from the awful dragon, when the bravest soldier in the land (a red-coated Teddy bear) had run away in fear.
The idea of the noble princess is not new. Robert Munsch expresses it wonderfully in The Paper-Bag Princess, when the princess takes care of business; and realizes that the handsome prince is really a bit of a dweeb and that she doesn’t need him after all.
Some years ago, the founder of a startup focused on creating math and engineering-friendly toys for girls, described her goal as “turning princesses into engineers.” In the world I am building for my granddaughter, princesses are engineers. And pilots, nurses, hockey players and every other cool thing.
If I am going to keep using Princess Arlo as an entertaining role model for my granddaughter, I do not want her growing up hearing “princess” in any connotation other than to describe sheer awesomeness.
We can do this. Let’s think a moment before blurting out that gendered cliché!